


I meant it the way I said it

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Cuddles, M/M, its fluff but angst, mark is oblivious to feelings, mentions of marks graduation, renjun just wants mark to know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 10:26:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16890822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Renjun noticed how the weight of his I love yous changed after he says it to Mark every single day.





	I meant it the way I said it

**Author's Note:**

> finally wrapped up this one? i had an idea of writing a markren short fic and this is what happened :o i hope the fic turns out fine aaaaa i havent made any changes since i wrote it, please enjoy it :DDD
> 
> come to my cc: nomark if you anything to say to me 😔

The first time Renjun had received the news about him debuting in a new NCT unit he was ecstatic. He congratulated himself for working so hard this whole time and to work harder than these past few years. He was happy to debut along with the friends he had made after joining SM, he promised himself he would show a more determined him to everyone.

  
  


NCT DREAM, was their given group name, composed of only the minors in the unit which is why everyone’s age was close to each other. Mark, was the oldest among them naturally taking the leader responsibilities and no one detests it, he fits it perfectly like a puzzle piece he was destined to be it.

 

Later on the company discussed about how the group would work and its concept, they got to know that everytime someone is 20 he needs to graduate, meaning Mark would be the first one to leave them, it was back 2 years ago they couldn’t fully grasp the pain it would come with until it was present time. Mark would graduate and they’re not a permanent group no matter how each and one of them denies it.

 

It haven’t fully hit him until their manager notifies them of their comeback, marking it as the last comeback they would have for the year and their last with Mark. The room fell silent after the announce with the seven of them looking at each other sadly, Mark just laughs and that’s when they all wanted this to be memorable for him.

 

They’ve spent a lot of time together even back then, Mark was always the first person any one of them would run to if they needed an advice on improving and the older always knew the problem and the correct words to make them feel better amd encourage them. Renjun always thanked him silently when the other would pat him by the shoulder with a reassuring squeeze whispering ‘Fighting!’.

 

Renjun always wondered how different would the world be once he was an adult since he was young. He remembers how the older ones always told him he would understand everything once he is an adult or he can do this when he turns into an adult adding fuel to his fiery curiosity. Do he looks at Mark once he turned 20 after he blowed his cake on the strike of midnight. Physically, he was still the Mark Lee they know, mentally? Still a child when his matured switch isn’t needed, emotionally? He always exhibits his true emotions to them so nothing much changed about him.

 

“What’s so great about being an adult anyway? You can drink and do whatever the hell you want with no restrictions.” Renjun huffs and glared at the pillow he had when he heard a laughter beside him.

 

“The world has set restrictions from the start, Junnie.” His laughter subsides as he looked at the stars slowly painting the dark blue sky.

 

“Do you like being an adult?” Renjun shots the question to Mark who coughs a bit after getting the milk in the wrong pathway.

 

“Yes.” He answers with no hesitation, looking at the younger who was silent.

 

“Junnie, it’s just my age changed legally wise but I’m still the same Mark from 11 pm.” Renjun laughs, and Mark’s contented with this light atmosphere.

 

“Then, I trust you, I’ll make my adulthood happy and answer with the same way you did.” Mark smiles hugging the smaller boy collapsing into the bed.

 

He cuddles with the younger boy humming a distinct tone, walk you home.

 

“I love you.” Renjun mumbled the words against Mark’s chest.

 

“I love you too, my little brother.” Renjun smiles.

  
  


It really still hasn’t fully hit them, Mark was still here he was still with them when they call out to him he would smile at them the same way he did as always, it was alright for awhile they left the worries for tomorrow.

 

So when Renjun looks at his trembling hands during their recording day with Dear Dream’s lyrics in hand he couldn’t take it, he lets a tear slip out of his eyes.

 

It pains him so much and he hates how he couldn't even explain this feeling that keeps on weighing him down ever since the thought was implanted into his head, but he tries to be strong he had to be he was the second oldest after all.

 

He made this mission at 1 am after wrapping up their daily practice laying down on his bed unable to sleep while thinking how close the comeback is, his mind suddenly lits up an idea.

 

‘Tell him I love him every single day.’ So Renjun did, it didn’t even fazed Mark he always knew the younger had a tendency to be as clingy as Jaemin and Hyuck, so he responds back with an I love you too.

 

Renjun fulfilled his promise and even goes out of his way to give Mark the biggest hug he could do. He couldn’t even notice the way how he gradually felt different every single time Mark reciprocated back. Flushed cheeks, stuttering and feeling like his heart was about to jump out of his throat he thought he was sick at some point until Mark waved at him and smiled and everything came crashing down. He likes Minhyung.

 

The same Minhyung who would let him sleep in his bed until he feels comfortable enough to go back and sleep on his own. The person who believed in him and encouraged him to be the best Renjun he is and continue remembering the spark he had when he pursued this path. The person who lets him kiss their cheeks at random times, and as the person who he runs to when he know he is having a hard time to understand even himself.

 

The I love you mission he had weighed more than what he originally thought it would be.

 

Mark was completely oblivious about the other’s feelings, and this was the first time he couldn’t talk to him like how he would normally do, he’s too afraid to ruin all of this for them and he wants the best for Mark.

 

He keeps his feelings aside, hidden and concealed that no one could even figure out about it like how he intend it to be.

 

“I love you hyung!~” Renjun cutely shouts from the other side of the room to the next room which was Mark’s and Jeno’s where the other was currently in writing  the new rap lyrics for a song.

 

“Hm.” The older replies shortly after.

 

Renjun tackled him into a bear hug later that day in Mark’s bed demanding some kind of attention from the older to which he laughs at and cutely stutters.

 

“You’re stuttering.” He says as he got up from the bed.

 

“You’re so cute.” Mark remarked at him as he stood up next to Renjun, his cheeks were tinted pinkish when Hyuck walks in the room to retrieve Jeno’s sweater from the other bed giggling while glancing at the two.

 

Their latest promotion ended smoothly and with its success also came the news of them holding their first concert as the dreamies and Renjun gasped, that was their biggest goal just yet, to perform as the 7 dreamies with their own concert. Mark hugs Renjun happy about the news as the others looks fondly at them.

 

It was a really big thing for every one of them, so they prepared hard for it making sure to give their best at the said days.

 

Renjun remembers ending up being spooned by Mark the night before their first concert and just that, it was enough to comfort him and his own crowding insecurities, he always had Mark.

 

Singing walk you home at their last day of the Dream Show to send off Mark was so hard on him. No, this whole time it has been so hard on him trying to ignore the fact that this is really happening and Mark still pass the baton to him after everything but he just couldn’t take it. He ends up crying that day, remembering the way Mark chanted the ‘yo dream’ in their first concert and how by the end of December, Mark wouldn’t even be present in their old house.

 

Renjun was so scared of how little the possibilities of him and Mark being in the same place again after this. When he saw Jaemin reaching out to hug him he takes it, he needs it. He still needed some time to sort out his feelings.

 

Christmas came shortly after, and they were celebrating it happily in their own way. They wanted to go to the amusement park which their manager agreed into.

 

Jeno and Hyuck immediately strayed off the group after arriving probably searching for the extreme rides they wanted to do. Jaemin said he’ll go after them dragging Jisung along with him as Chenle ran after them, leaving him behind with Mark.

 

It stayed quiet for some time just them walking around with Renjun glancing at everything thinking of the rides he will do later, Mark tugs at his sweater and he looks back at the older.

 

“Do you want to buy those cute animal ears?” He asked pointing at the shop that Renjun has passed by. It was cute in his opinion and if he was matching with Mark he wouldn’t mind.

 

“Those are headbands, Hyung.” They laughed as they walked into the shop.

 

“They have an angel and a devil.”

 

“And?”

 

“Do you want to match?” He and Renjun simultaneously looked at each other after the statement.

 

“Sure.” Renjun takes the devil headband from his hand and wears it.

 

“Why the devil though?” Mark confusingly looked at the other who was smiling.

 

“But don’t you all call me a demon?”

 

“Yeah that but you suit being an angel more.” He said while looking at the angel headband at his hand.

 

‘Did he really have to say that?’ That thought ran wild in head making him blush and leaves his heart fluttering.

 

“Renjun?”

 

“Take the fucking devil headband, you prick.” Renjun says as he took the headband from Mark’s hand.

 

“Gave you a compliment and received a slander not the content I signed up for.” Mark pouts and Renjun was about to lose his mind in this shop, so he urges the older to pay for the headbands already but Mark singsangs “I don’t want to~” in a tone and says he still wants to look around. He glares at Mark and pushes him to the cashier.

 

“Oh what do we have here?” Jaemin remarks as the two of them got closer to the group wearing the headbands.

 

“An angel and a devil.”

 

“But isn’t Renjun hyung more fitted to be the demon?” Jisung earns a glare from Mark.

 

“Agree.” Jeno says looking at Hyuck bickering with Chenle about that one animal mascot they’ve passed by.

 

“We bought each one of you these headbands.”

 

“Angels and demons?”

 

“No, animals.”

 

“I wanted to be the second demon.” Hyuck stated as he pouts next to jeno who has a cat headband at his hand.

 

“Nevermind I liked puppies better than being fake evil.” He says as he snatched the dog headband away from Jisung who was shocked at the action.

 

Jaemin tsked and handed Jisung the bunny headband as he wore the mouse ones. Chenle was happy with the frog headband and was skipping happily leading the group as they walked around.

 

It was night time already and the amusement park looked prettier with all the christmas motifs and lights. Jisung started walking towards the big christmas tree that was set up in the middle and the others trailed closely.

 

“This is pretty.” Chenle spoke up as they arrived by it smiling as he looked at the white christmas tree.

 

They took a picture by it and looked around some more, Jeno received candies from one of the staffs dressed in an elf clothing, Renjun and Hyuck also were handed candies Jisung asks for some which to the three gladly shared theirs. Christmas night ended with each of them smiling at the new memory they have made together.

  
  


He couldn’t help but countdown the days until it was December 31, It was down to 7 days until Mark is officially not in the unit anymore. Their manager also informed them that Mark would permanently be moving to the 127 dorm. He wouldn’t be able to cuddle with him to sleep then. No one to comfort him in the dead of nights when his thoughts became too overwhelming, he clenches his fist at that thought he knew Jaemin could comfort him but Mark’s was different.

 

Days went fast and before they all knew it, the red mark on Renjun’s calendar was the current date. The atmosphere of the dorm was changed drastically, it felt normal but somewhat sad? But maybe that was just Renjun overreading the situation. Hyuck locked himself for the whole morning and only Jeno could get to him.

 

“He said he’ll come out later at night.” Jeno told Renjun who was worried about the other.

 

“I can’t believe we're really sending Hyung off even though we still coexist in the same group.” Jeno laughs at his statement.

 

It was true, but something inside them felt so empty that he was leaving them. He completed their dorm balancing the energies of everyone and controlling them. They felt lost all of a sudden, it was a feeling he couldn’t exactly name, Mark did assure him the no one needed to understand them as long as they themselves could and that’s what he believes.

 

 _“I love you.”_ Renjun says as he sadly smile at the other who was dragging his luggage out of their room.

 

Mark smiles at Renjun hugging him tightly and whispers,

 

_“I love you too.”_

 

Mark couldn’t feel the difference of Renjun’s last confession, it was the most sincere one revealing his feelings that was oblivious from the older. He really is dumb, Renjun thinks, he can’t grasp the weight of those confessions. Mark was out of the door when Renjun’s tears slipped.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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